These things 'll kill ya

i remember...........my first time....it was so...secret....yet exciting
i remember all those moments before; the anxiety, the build up
the confusion, the realization and finally the understanding..........
after years of wondering i finally understood why these thing could
kill ya.....i mean i was pillin off my head.....instantly though thats the
problem..........you see ecstacy ingested takes atleast 20 mins to start
having effects........but ecstacy shot up works in seconds..........and all at once
the feeling was so good that i sat in the bath for 10 mins before moving....
my mates in the bathroom with me all doing the same thing......
then out to my gathering, at my house we go.......happy and smiling
i got laid twice that night by two different girls witht the same first name.....
that night was good but my choices bad........that single needle screwed up my life for a year and a half after that......
you see i wanted to do it but it all went to shit after that first time.....
back to my mothers i moved after i was pretty much forced to
leave my wikkid house......
junkie is what i label myself in the year and a half to follow that....
every spare bit of cash and even cash i didnt have went on
speed and pills and little boxs of sharps from the chemist....
borrowing from here and there to get my gear..to get on.....
eventually even stealing and rippin people off.....
now while the first time was great but it started my downward
spiral.....and everytime after it just got harder NOT to do!...
so it got to the point where i used 6 out of 7 days a week and i didnt
even have enough money for that........but i didnt need money...jus
things...............
in retrospect needles aint worth the rush...i mean the rush is great but
it never lets go......you first want it then you need it that when it gets bad..
when you need it.......dont ever need it.....
but if i could go back to that first time......i would still do it the same
because it may have fucked up my life but i part of the reason i am who i am
now is because of my fuck-ups in life that ive learnt from...like this
i now havent touched a needle in a year and its great......... i know where
im goin and why.............
that all i need:)
peace out
Nat(archy)